Sunday, 17 December 2006

From Weather Girl to Cheeky Girl

I read this today. Do I laugh or not? The presence in this story of a Cheeky Girl should make it funny but I'm not sure that it is. Our MPs are as flesh and blood as those who vote for them which means that they are subject to the same whims and desires and strengths and weaknesses as those who vote for them. They can fuck up. And they do. But, unless Mr Opik thinks he's pinpointing the so far untapped X-Factor vote, his political career has been severely compromised. Let's consider some facts:

- His ex, Sian Lloyd, is nationally recognised as quality totty, by MPs standards at least. Her presence at his side wins votes.

- If you are running for MP you need to assure your constituents that you are the right man, or woman, to vote for. You are intelligent, you have the issues of the community at heart, you have strength and gravitas and a strong chin. You do not date a woman whose job entails her to sing songs called "Touch my Bum".

- Mid-life crisis must be ugly.

Maybe Lembit was sick of Sian. I don't know what you call that clicking noise made when you talk and your mouth is a bit dry but Sian has it. Personally, I find it quite sexy but I'm happy to concede that Lembit might dislike it. This could be what happened. Maybe this particular verbal inflexion is impossible in those who are brought up in Transylvania. Or maybe, and I accept that I'm going out on a limb here, he just wanted a younger model. It's not inconceivable that the Cheeky Girls could be Sian's daughters. Similar build, y'know? He's just trading in for a younger model, isn't he? Who knows?

What I do know is that campaigning with one of the Cheeky tarts at your side will not win votes. Lembit, you've been quite endearingly eccentric for a while but your time in the Commons will shortly be up. Good luck trying to get twos-up with the other sister though.

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