Sunday, 2 March 2008

Did you just type Cheeky Girls into Google?

Cheeky Girls. If you've arrived at this page having typed those two words into Google or, even worse, Google images then you are very probably a sad, sad man. You aren't a fan of their work, are you? No. You were looking for pictures, weren't you? Yes. Why don't you just look at some porn? Proper stuff. Not the Cheeky Girls, please.

The Cheeky Girls, you see, are responsible for most of the traffic that arrives at my blog. Courtesy of a website called Feedburner, I am able to see not only how many people view my blog but also where they are in the world, the website that referred them, their internet browser, how long they stayed and also, if they arrived via a search engine, what they typed into that search engine. The most common term that people who who view my blog have used is Cheeky Girls. In fact it's probably true to say that most of the people who find it have been looking for stuff about the terrible Transylvanian twins and have arrived here because of a post I wrote back in 2006 that mentioned them.

I'm grateful that anyone reads my words. It's especially nice when I see that someone from the other side of the world has spent time here. It's also a little bit dispiriting, not to mention slightly demeaning, when I discover that they're not at all interested in what I've written but have actually clicked on a link and then quickly clicked the back button when they've not found any pictures of the girls wearing something skin tight.

Whilst typing Cheeky Girls into Google may be the most popular way of finding my blog there are also many other popular search terms that might lead you here. Someone, somewhere in the world, once found my blog after typing the following words into Google: Moustached man turkey porn. Just take some time to consider this. What on earth were they actually looking for? My best guess is that they were looking for a Turkish porn star. With a 'tache. I hope that my guess is correct since the alternative, that someone was searching for a Burt Reynolds lookalike engaged in relations with a turkey, is too horrible to contemplate. Each to their own, I suppose.

If you found this page having typed Cheeky Girls and are still reading this, a full four paragraphs later, then thanks. I really appreciate it. And also give yourself a pat on the back. I take it you're aware that part of your soul was evaporating into the ether every time you clicked on another Cheeky Girls link. Of course you're aware. You are, after all, the one feeling pathetic and inadequate. Well, having read this far redeems you just a little bit. Well done. You're not beyond saving just yet.

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