Wednesday, 29 July 2009


I wrote this little thing a few months ago and forgot to publish it. Better late than never I suppose.

Having a girlfriend with five children has introduced me to many new experiences this year, the most recent being the first time I've been on a family holiday since I was a child, and being an adult on that family holiday. An all-inclusive break in Tunisia and it was great fun. Chucking children around in swimming pools is brilliant, as is embarrassing them in front of their holiday friends, example: "Is this the boy you said you liked?". Great fun!

One thing, however, really struck me while i was there, even more than the discovery of the totalitarian nature of all-inclusive holidays (You will eat at this time! You will do these activities! No, you will not do anything else!). And that is what a lot of fat people there are. This shouldn't surprise me since I live in the western world and get to see the people of the western world on a daily basis. But it did surprise me, probably because I normally see these people covering up their flesh, not exposing it to the sun. I am absolutely not a body fascist but was just amazed by the amount of fat about. I'm not just talking overweight, most of us are a little overweight and I see no problem with that. I'm talking obesity. Really, really offensively fat. It was bloody horrible and made my eyes hurt.

What a lot of fat kids there are too! This post was nearly titled Fat Kids, such was their prevalence. They repulsed me a little bit. Is that wrong? It's not that I was repulsed on a personal level, more that I was quite repulsed by their sheer number. Children aren't meant to be fat, their parents have much more of an excuse in that area. Also, they were mostly German and therefore, in addition to being physically distasteful, they were audibly distasteful. The boys should all be called Augustus Gloop. The German language and the children that speak it are unattractive. Picture it. A fat boy lumbers from the pool. He waddles over to his mother who sits on the sun lounger that she had reserved at 7am (that really happens! I love it when a stereotype turns out to be true!)

"Mutti! Ich will ein eis bitte! ICH WILL EIN EIS!"

It's not pretty, is it?

The British were greatly outnumbered by the French and, particularly, the Germans at my hotel, something else I'd not previously experienced. I have no problem with this at all since I'm unlikely to talk to anyone I don't know on holiday, foreign or otherwise, unless they're serving me beer. I now know how people from other countries behave on holiday, though, and I'm shocked. I didn't see a single obviously drunk person the whole time I was there. Honestly, not one. What do they do with their time? The drinks are free, for God's sake! For the love of all that is holy, please take advantage!

Maybe they're all on drugs. This would explain the enthusiasm with which the evening entertainment was received by the Europeans. Those continentals went batshit crazy for the crap singing and the crap dancing and the crap magic show and the crap fire show. My girlfriend and I, in common (I hope) with the rest of the British contingent, giggled at the crapness of it all. I always thought that Europeans were cool compared to the British. Now I know better. Europeans are dorks.

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