Thursday, 27 September 2007


Tomorrow I will be precisely halfway towards my allotted three score years and ten. It's probably routine behaviour to use a landmark birthday such as this to reflect on what's gone on so far in one's life, to take stock of one's achievements and get thoroughly depressed at the lack thereof. So, what is there for me to look back on? Not a great deal.

My list of achievements is quite pathetic. I'm alive, yes. I've actually made it this far without doing myself in. What else? God, I'm struggling to find something, I really am. I've had lots of fun but not as much as I could have. I've not slept with nearly enough women but I do have lots of friends and my circle of friends seems to be growing, which is very pleasing. I have a decent social life. I'm still quite good at football. None of these are achievements really, are they?

When it comes down to it I have to concede that I've achieved nothing. When my parents were my age they were bringing up two kids. My dad had a decent-paying-job (that he hated) in the City. They were halfway to paying of their mortgage. I can't even think about a mortgage as I have no money. I don't enjoy my job and I don't even have the consolation of being well paid.

I'm going to stop this now as I'm in danger of giving the impression that I pity myself or that I have a crap life. Any shortfalls in my life are entirely of my own creation, I know that. I have a great time and I'm a very lucky man. I'm just not very good at pursuing that which makes me happy or even working out what it is that might make me happy. Apart from this: Tomorrow night some friends and I will convene in a local pub where we will proceed to get drunk and have a good time in celebration of my birthday. On Saturday I'm having a joint birthday party in another pub where loads more people will turn up and I will enjoy myself further, as will everyone else. That fact that I can do this makes me happy. And that's that.

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