Smoke-Free Zone

It's been precisely one month since I last smoked a cigarette. This should be a source of pride for me but I feel strangely underwhelmed by it. Judging by the amount of literature and quitting aids on the market I imagined that I was embarking on a mission that would take me to the deepest, darkest depths of my soul. Okay, that might not be a very deep or dark place but I thought it would be far more difficult than it actually has been. Having said that, it's not as if I'm out of the woods yet. I still want cigarettes occasionally and I would very much like it if I completely forgot what I loved about them in the first place.


My main issue, the reason I'm feeling underwhelmed, is that I am, so far, not feeling the beneficial effects of a smoke-free life. I feel that I'm missing out by not smoking. My chest doesn't wheeze, that's true. I've probably saved a nice bit of cash and will continue to do so. And I've put on a few pounds and am enjoying my food more. These are good things. But what about the freedom that I'm supposed to feel once I've broken my nicotine shackles? Where's the euphoria?

Don't tell me it doesn't exist 'cos I've seen the adverts. Full of healthy looking people wearing unbearably smug grins. They're saying:

"We've experienced something smokers and the never-have-smoked cannot have felt. So nerr. We worked really hard for this, we struggled like you can't imagine and this is our reward. Just look at me enjoying this grape. Mmm."

And that experience, I imagined, was a Nirvana of some kind. Well, why not? I've read/heard/absorbed through osmosis the idea that giving up smoking is supposed to be more difficult than giving up smack. Well, I've never had to give up smack but I have seen Trainspotting and it looks far tougher than anything I've been through in the past month. At no point have I found myself puking out of any orifice and I've definitely not seen any dead babies crawling across my ceiling. It was too easy. I feel that I've cheated and been cheated.

There is one more stage, though, that won't be so easy. The reason I gave up smoking in the first place was that it was an initial stage in my getting fitter. Now I have to get fit. I've been putting it off but I've honestly been waiting for the weather to get better so I can jog or cycle in daylight without getting wet or too cold. I'll start in a couple of weeks, okay?

I got those burning nasal passage blues

I haven't had a cigarette for 19 hours. I was asleep for seven of those hours so let's call it twelve hours. That's pretty good for me and the best bit is that it's been quite easy. Every time I've felt like sparking up I've just told myself that it's a bad idea. I'm home from work now though with nothing but this blog to keep me occupied until bedtime and I'm beginning to feel a bit clucky. Maybe I should have some of my nicotine replacement...

I chose a nicotine nasal spray to help ween me off of the cigs. I chose it because it is hardcore, the quickest way of getting a hefty dose of nicotine into the body. I, on the other hand, am not hardcore and this stuff hurts me but I defy anyone to squirt this evil substance into their nasal passage and not snivel like a hay fever sufferer in a bath full of pollen. Ive never snorted tabasco sauce and don't plan to but it can't be much worse than this. It comes in two phases: The initial squirt brings with it a pain and nausea that I've not encountered before. And I know my nausea. The sinuses feel primed to explode under the pressure. Tears fill the eyes and then cascade down the face. Your head feels expanded. Not figuratively like hippies smoking a joint, but literally like Arnie at the end of Total Recall in zero atmosphere. There is a brief period of relief as you feel the pain receding and the head returning to its normal size. Don't be fooled, it isn't over. The next phase is when the devil spray makes its way down the back of the throat. It feels as though some small insect has decided to take up residence and the only way to get rid of it is to cough as hard and often as possible. And the taste! My God!

Or maybe I'm just a little over-sensitive. Anyway, the not-smoking is going well.

On my very first post I wrote that I'd be remarking on music that I'm listening to and I've just realised that I haven't done that once yet. So. Got Arcade Fire and Cold War Kids albums today (before they're released of course, it's the only way). Cold War Kids: Not bad, might be a grower but probably not my thing. Arcade Fire? I'm only on the third song so can't really comment but it sounds fine so far. A bit less grandiose than Funeral. As I type a new song has started featuring a church organ so it might be a little more grandiose than Funeral. Either way, it's grandiose. I really should have been a music journo, shouldn't I?

Heart Attack Man

Football wasn't fun on saturday, something that's bothering me quite a bit. My shoulder was fine but my legs and lungs let me down badly. Most troubling was the feeling that I really didn't know what I was doing out there. I felt quite lost in an environment that was for many years where I felt most at home. Feeling like an outsider in your own home isn't a pleasant feeling but I'm sure it won't be that way after I've a few games under my belt.

So I now face a scary prospect: getting fit. It will mean some pretty major lifestyle changes. Exercise, for example. Not smoking. And if these two mammoth tasks weren't enough I've decided to reduce the levels of sugar and caffeine in my bloodstream. The amount of beer I drink will, however, remain constant. One step at a time, eh? Coca-Cola is out though.

As of today I take one sugar in my tea instead of two, with the intention of cutting it out altogether as soon as I can tolerate it. Buying decaffeinated tea is the next thing on the list. When I get paid next week I'm going to stock up on nicotine substitutes (patches, gum etc) and try to stop smoking. The exercise will start once I've myself of the pneumonia-like symptoms that will surely follow this massive upheaval. My body will be severely displeased with me for a while but will hopefully soon realise that all this is for its own good.

I normally like to put a few funny bits in my blog entries but, quite frankly, I'm scared right now. My life has for many years been characterised by avoiding those things that might be called a challenge. Anything that requires effort, basically. This is a big thing for me. Hopefully, normal service will be resumed shortly and I can get on with making snidey comments about stuff.