Monday, 19 February 2007

Chairman of the bored

It's been a week since my last post and I've nothing to write about other than the fact that I can't think of anything write about. This is depressing, I can't be that stupid and my life is surely not that dull. Probably best not to dwell on that actually. But this won't do. I'm now going to spend a few minutes perusing the BBC website for inspiration and will hopefully find something to take the piss out of. Back in 5.

Well, it took approximately 2 seconds to find something I can mock. This is partly due to my expertise in mocking but mainly because on the front page I read that The Jam have decided to reform without Paul Weller! Bruce Foxton and Rick Buckler are not only touring but also writing a new album! Hahahaha! Well, the fans'll be queuing round the block for that one. Let's take a look at some of the venues they're playing; ooh, the Aberdeen Lemon Tree! And the Northampton Soundhaus (formerly the Roadmender)! Really guys, are times that hard? By all means go and trade on your former glories, God knows there are a few of them. But how about touring by a name other than The Jam? It's like The Smiths reforming without Morrissey and Marr. Or Morecombe and Wise without Eric Morecombe. How about Rick and Bruce play The Jam? You could leave the words The Jam really big and the others small so people don't even notice them.

Here's what Weller says of a reunion: "Me and my children would have to be destitute and starving in the gutter before I'd even consider that, and I don't think that'll happen anyway ... [the Jam's music] still means something to people and a lot of that's because we stopped at the right time, it didn't go on and become embarrassing." Enough said. Presumably this means that Paul won't be taking up the kind invitation to join the tour...

Well, that's certainly made me feel better. What else is there? Ah, here's something far less worthy of ridicule. Britney Spears shaves her head. It may be apocryphal but I'm sure I've read a few times that the shaving of one's head is often a precursor to a breakdown, which wouldn't be a surprise to many people in Britney's case. Baby One More Time, one of the finest pop songs ever, is eight or nine years old now. It really doesn't seem that long since the schoolgirl Britney was dressing up as a....schoolgirl in the video. She's not looking so fresh-faced now. Just announce an official retirement or something, Britney. Maybe people will leave you alone then and saddos like me will have to find something else to write about.

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